Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Changing Expectations

I mentioned in a previous post that we were having some ups and downs with N's behaviour.  He seems to be angry a lot of the time since A came along - and I think I've got it figured out.

You see, N has always been very able.  He walked early, talked early and at the moment seems to be ahead of his peers in many things. (I sound braggy, but bare with me - I promise it's going somewhere.)  As a mother, I've come to rely on the fact that N can just do things - he can dress himself, he can take himself to the toilet, he feeds himself and often goes ahead and helps himself to snacks etc.  My fault here is that I rely on that ability.

Obviously, with A being here - and being a baby; she cannot do anything for herself (OK, so now I'm being obvious!) So N sees me doing everything for her - and he reverts to being 'unable'.  He creates fuss when dressing in the mornings before nursery.  He acts like a baby when he has to wait for me to get him a snack.  He refuses to feed himself his dinner. 

So I've changed the way I deal with N's 'issues'.  I don't ask him to dress himself, I offer to help and hand him things with a "I bet you can't do this one by yourself" - and lay on the praise when he does it.

Changing our expectations with N seems to have calmed the storm - there are still issues, but we aren't finding ourselves frustrated and cross when he creates instead of doing what we know he is capable of.

Sometimes, the balance is hard to find - I'm hoping that once we aren't juggling working with parenting and moving, our family will return to the harmonious unit it once was. 

Until then, we're testing out our theory.

It seems to be working.

For now!

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